Faithful Thomas: A Look at the "Doubting" Disciple

I used to say that I could most keenly relate to Simon Peter, the zealot, mostly because I'm so prone to rash decisions and sticking my foot in my mouth. However, the last day or so, I've come more to feel that I relate more closely to that poor disciple, Thomas, whose shame is cast upon him by his doubt even in the face of the most credible witnesses. Most people tend to forget that "Doubting" Thomas didn't end in doubt, however; he went away believing.

First of all, none of the other gospels even bother to mention Thomas besides listing him among the twelve apostles, excepting the gospel according to John. His name only occurs 12 times in all of scripture.

The first time we hear from Thomas is in John 11, after the death of Lazarus. The disciples "warned" Christ that he was being sought to be stoned in Judea, and when the Lord insisted that they would go down into Judea because Lazarus was dead, Thomas says to the other disciples, "Let us also go, that we may die with him." (v. 16) Poor Thomas. Doesn't sound very heartening, his view of the future. But he didn't try to convince the Lord not to go; rather, he was of the opinion to convince the others to go with him, even to die with him. So then, Thomas was present when he saw the Lord Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead, even after having lain already in the grave 4 days.

The next time we hear from Thomas is in chapter 14, when Jesus is declaring to his disciples the truth of his upcoming death, and the truth that he is in fact going to prepare a place for them in his kingdom, and poor Thomas says to the Lord, "Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?"(v. 5) Here, even after Jesus himself says, "Whither I go, ye know, and the way ye know." (v. 4) and Thomas, in his despair, cannot bring himself to believe even the very words of Christ. Yet notice, he did not keep silent. He voiced his doubts to the Lord himself, and received his answer:

"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way..." (v. 6a)

The next time we see Thomas is after the resurrection of the Lord in chapter 20. Jesus had presented himself to the disciples, which were gathered together, but Thomas was not with them when Christ appeared to them. Jesus showed the disciples his wounds, and breathed on them that they might receive the Holy Ghost.

The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the Lord. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.(v. 25)

Some people look at Thomas's statement as sheer cheeky rebellion, declaring that HE would not believe, no, not unless he had proof. I can't accept that interpretation, however. I see the statement as the other interpretation: a statement of, however dejected it may be, total honesty. After all, it's not like a cheeky man to admit to not know where he's going and ask for directions as he did in chapter 14. Rather, it seems to me the statement of a man who, although unable to convince himself, desperately desires the truth that he may be convinced. The other reason I believe it to be a statement of honest examination rather than of rebellion is in verse 26:

And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: [then] came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace [be] unto you.

A man who says, "You can't convince me!" doesn't want to be convinced; a man who doesn't want to be convinced doesn't continue to hang out with people who obviously want to convince him. Rather, it seems to me that only a man who desired the truth would continue in fellowship with these men who DID believe, and in doing so, he was present for the next appearing of the Lord. And how great a mercy does the Lord show unto Thomas!

Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust [it] into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.

And Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord and my God.(v. 27-28)

Thomas, who has struggled with this wretched doubting heart, who in spite of being present for one of the most profound miracles in all scripture still doubted, is brought face to face with the only solution to his doubt. Thomas knew all along it was what he needed, but how great a mercy did our Lord show in giving it to him! He repeated back to Thomas his declaration, and offered to give Thomas the one sign he longed for -- to see the wounds, and to yet even touch the wounds. And for what reason? So that he might believe!

Now, I don't know whether Thomas took the Lord up on his offer, but this I do: That he was convinced. In that simple declaring of faith, that Jesus was in fact not only his Lord, but also his God, he showed that his meager faith had been revived. It didn't end there, either, because Thomas continued with the disciples. He was present and active in the calling of Matthias to the position from which Judas fell, and he was present on the day of Pentecost when the Holy Spirit came upon the disciples with fire.

So then we come to my own wretched state. Here am I, standing in the presence of the most credible witnesses, saying that my faith is so weak and small that I cannot believe. Yet even as Thomas, though I am plagued by the wretchedness of a doubting spirit and a mind which is corrupted with OCD, even so I insist on following after Him, though my heart is all the while mocking me to my shame. Oh, I love the Christ, and I follow Him; I trust Him and seek him -- it is only this doubt that provokes me to shame. May the Lord, even as he did with Thomas, so have mercy on such a one as me, that I too would not be faithless, but believing.