Examine Yourselves

Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates? ~ II Corinthians 13:5, KJV

Faithful Thomas: A Look at the "Doubting" Disciple

I used to say that I could most keenly relate to Simon Peter, the zealot, mostly because I'm so prone to rash decisions and sticking my foot in my mouth. However, the last day or so, I've come more to feel that I relate more closely to that poor disciple, Thomas, whose shame is cast upon him by his doubt even in the face of the most credible witnesses. Most people tend to forget that "Doubting" Thomas didn't end in doubt, however; he went away believing.

First of all, none of the other gospels even bother to mention Thomas besides listing him among the twelve apostles, excepting the gospel according to John. His name only occurs 12 times in all of scripture.

The first time we hear from Thomas is in John 11, after the death of Lazarus. The disciples "warned" Christ that he was being sought to be stoned in Judea, and when the Lord insisted that they would go down into Judea because Lazarus was dead, Thomas says to the other disciples, "Let us also go, that we may die with him." (v. 16) Poor Thomas. Doesn't sound very heartening, his view of the future. But he didn't try to convince the Lord not to go; rather, he was of the opinion to convince the others to go with him, even to die with him. So then, Thomas was present when he saw the Lord Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead, even after having lain already in the grave 4 days.

The next time we hear from Thomas is in chapter 14, when Jesus is declaring to his disciples the truth of his upcoming death, and the truth that he is in fact going to prepare a place for them in his kingdom, and poor Thomas says to the Lord, "Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?"(v. 5) Here, even after Jesus himself says, "Whither I go, ye know, and the way ye know." (v. 4) and Thomas, in his despair, cannot bring himself to believe even the very words of Christ. Yet notice, he did not keep silent. He voiced his doubts to the Lord himself, and received his answer:

"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way..." (v. 6a)

The next time we see Thomas is after the resurrection of the Lord in chapter 20. Jesus had presented himself to the disciples, which were gathered together, but Thomas was not with them when Christ appeared to them. Jesus showed the disciples his wounds, and breathed on them that they might receive the Holy Ghost.

The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the Lord. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.(v. 25)

Some people look at Thomas's statement as sheer cheeky rebellion, declaring that HE would not believe, no, not unless he had proof. I can't accept that interpretation, however. I see the statement as the other interpretation: a statement of, however dejected it may be, total honesty. After all, it's not like a cheeky man to admit to not know where he's going and ask for directions as he did in chapter 14. Rather, it seems to me the statement of a man who, although unable to convince himself, desperately desires the truth that he may be convinced. The other reason I believe it to be a statement of honest examination rather than of rebellion is in verse 26:

And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: [then] came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace [be] unto you.

A man who says, "You can't convince me!" doesn't want to be convinced; a man who doesn't want to be convinced doesn't continue to hang out with people who obviously want to convince him. Rather, it seems to me that only a man who desired the truth would continue in fellowship with these men who DID believe, and in doing so, he was present for the next appearing of the Lord. And how great a mercy does the Lord show unto Thomas!

Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust [it] into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.

And Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord and my God.(v. 27-28)

Thomas, who has struggled with this wretched doubting heart, who in spite of being present for one of the most profound miracles in all scripture still doubted, is brought face to face with the only solution to his doubt. Thomas knew all along it was what he needed, but how great a mercy did our Lord show in giving it to him! He repeated back to Thomas his declaration, and offered to give Thomas the one sign he longed for -- to see the wounds, and to yet even touch the wounds. And for what reason? So that he might believe!

Now, I don't know whether Thomas took the Lord up on his offer, but this I do: That he was convinced. In that simple declaring of faith, that Jesus was in fact not only his Lord, but also his God, he showed that his meager faith had been revived. It didn't end there, either, because Thomas continued with the disciples. He was present and active in the calling of Matthias to the position from which Judas fell, and he was present on the day of Pentecost when the Holy Spirit came upon the disciples with fire.

So then we come to my own wretched state. Here am I, standing in the presence of the most credible witnesses, saying that my faith is so weak and small that I cannot believe. Yet even as Thomas, though I am plagued by the wretchedness of a doubting spirit and a mind which is corrupted with OCD, even so I insist on following after Him, though my heart is all the while mocking me to my shame. Oh, I love the Christ, and I follow Him; I trust Him and seek him -- it is only this doubt that provokes me to shame. May the Lord, even as he did with Thomas, so have mercy on such a one as me, that I too would not be faithless, but believing.

Continuing in John 15 -- The Purpose of Chastisement

Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit. -- John 15:2

From the text, we see that it is evident that God doesn't bother to chasten those who bear no fruit at all; rather, he purges the fruitful branches, so that they will bear more fruit, indeed, much fruit.

You may ask why I would relate this text to OCD or, indeed, to any affliction of the mind. We must remember that the fruit which is of the Spirit includes peace, which is something that the sufferer of mental anguish yearns for. If you want to enjoy fruit of the Spirit, you are going to have to do that which is required of you in order that you can have that fruit manifest within you. Also, I would definitely consider mental anguish to be an affliction (see definitions below), so seeing the purpose of God in the design of affliction often makes it easier to bear. Now then, moving on.

Let's look at a couple of definitions:

purge - to make free of something unwanted

chasten - 1) to correct by punishment or suffering: discipline: purify/purge; 2a) to prune (as a work or style of art) of excess, pretense, or falsity: refine; b) to cause to be more humble or restrained: subdue

afflict - [middle English, from Latin "afflictus", past participle of "affligere" to cast down] 1a) humble; b)overthrow; 2a) to distress so severely as to cause persistent suffering or anguish; b) trouble, injure

According to the passage, the purpose of chastening, affliction, or purging is that we should bear abundantly the fruit of the Spirit. It removes from us the things that are undesirable, that we would be a strong, healthy branch. Sometimes we are chastised as a direct result of rebellious sin; other times, we are allowed to be in affliction so that the heat of the refinery will bring to the surface hidden faults so that they may be drawn off. In both cases, the end is the same: that which is unwanted is removed, so that the result thereof is healthy and free of disease.

But let's not take this from only one place in scripture. The concept of chastisement as a blessing of the Lord is a common thread woven throughout God's Word.

Revelations 3:19 -- As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.

Proverbs 3:11-12 -- My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction: For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth, even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.

Hebrews 12:5-11 -- And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then ye are bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which correccted us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection to the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peacable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

Psalm 119:67-68 -- Before I was afflicted I went astray: but now have I kept thy word. Thou art good, and doest good; teach me thy statutes.

Psalm 119:71 -- It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.

Psalm 119:75 -- I know, O Lord, that thy judgements are right, and that thou in faithfulness hast afflicted.

Job 5:17 -- Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise no thou the chastening of the Almighty.

Jeremiah 18:1-6 -- The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying, Arise, and go down to the potter's house, and there I will cause thee to hear my words. Then I went down to the potter's house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it. Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying, O house of Israel, cannot I do with you as this potter? saith the Lord. Behod, as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are ye in my hand, O house of Israel.

Psalm 94:11-13 -- The Lord knoweth the thoughts of man, that they are vanity. Blessed is the man whom thou chastenest, O Lord, and teachest him out of thy law; That thou mayest give him rest from the days of adversity, until the pit be digged for the wicked.

There are also many instances in scripture where the Lord is compared to a refiner (as one who refines gold and silver in a crucible); here are just a couple of instances:

Psalm 66:10 -- For thou, O God, hast proved us: thou hast tried us, as silver is tried.

Malachi 3:3 -- And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness.

Let us therefore trust the Refiner to the methods which he chooses to draw off our impurities.